I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to make Mean Girls references given I’ve only seen the movie 2x and the only reason I know quotes is that everyone says them so often. So there’s that. Today was…interesting. Morning Spin, food, more food.
Whole wheat pancakes crumbled over plain Greek yogurt and fruit.
I guess I’ll share my lunch, but it’s not the prettiest. My morning routine is ridiculous. Lunch was thrown together in a minute on the way out of the door. I normally step out of the shower 3 minutes before I have to leave. For the record, I have yet to be late.
White sweet potato with salsa and huac, plus a tangerine.
Also-the secret to mystery bread revealed!
The ingredient I was missing was the apple…so I was pretty close in my guesses. But guess what my new Spring Break project is going to be?
This afternoon I went to get a haircut and new running shoes, which is where things kind of went downhill. The haircut was great, in and out in 5 minutes with from what I can tell is a decent cut! I definitely let my hair get too long last/beginning of this year in college. I guess it’s just not something I think of!
I went to the same place I always go for running shoes, to get the kind I always get. The only color they had left in my size was…pink. Meh.
I’m not a pink person. I can’t handle pink shoes. I own almost nothing pink. But I bought them anyways. And I really greatly dislike them.
In the car on the way back, I totally lost it. About something as silly as buying the wrong color of shoes. I hate myself for hating them. I hate myself for buying something I know I wouldn’t like, and not just ASKING them to order a different color.
But this isn’t about shoes. This is about this quarter. This is about my life. All of the sudden, it all came out. The Bio program at my college is the top in the country. I’m in classes with, living with, interacting with some of the best and most driven minds of the country. And to say the least it’s incredibly humbling, if not downright discouraging at times.
With that little pair of shoes, everything that had built up, everything I had been blocking out, numb to, came pouring into the forefront of my mind and I lost it. I’m not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not fast enough. I can’t keep up. Everyone here is too brilliant. I still haven’t figured out how to eat in college. The extra weight I still carry around seems to constant weigh on me (pun sort of intended) and I can’t seem to figure out how to make that go away. I mess up messing up. I’m not social enough. Not involved in enough.
It’s amazing what a little pair of shoes can do, huh?
I considered going to yoga instead of Crossfit tonight since we were doing heavy squats and I’m running 11 miles tomorrow. But I’m so glad I didn’t. Sometimes, you just need to lift heavy things, and I brought the emotion into my workout with vengeance. We did 3 sets of 3 squats at 87% max and 1 at 95% max. It was heavy but it felt amazing to push through. We also worked on pull up strength, and guess what?
I DID MY FIRST PULL UP. EVER!
I know a lot of people like running for therapy, but I have to say, nothing compares to lifting heavy things.
I did lose it again later though, and now I have a searing headache to show for it. As for the shoes? I’m not sure what to do. I’m considering returning them and ordering a better color. It all is so ridiculous. But I feel so bad about that and I’m sort of emotionally attached to them yet still really don’t like them. I’m not even sure what would make me happier at this point. I’m pretty sure the shoes are an analogy for my life which is why they are hitting a cord, but I haven’t totally figured that out yet.
I know I don’t usually get super personal on here, so not sure why I decided to today. Maybe to show that that’s how you get your first pull up? Hah.
I guess to show that rough days happen and that you’re never alone. And if a pair of shoes makes you sob into your new haircut, it’s probably not just the shoes.
You’re not the only one who gets bugged my pink shoes. I don’t wear pink. It’s not part of my wardrobe except for sorority things. Oddly enough though all 3 pairs of my running shoes have pink. My Mizunos are bright neon pink and at first I had a really hard time being comfortable with them, but now that my feet love them I deal with it. It’s amazing what a good workout session can do for your emotions!
Foot comfort is more important! And I know at least that I like the fit.
The girl, I understand you! I like your blog, because I approximately in the same phase now. I study at good university (one of the best in my country) and it presses on me. People around – are cleverer, better, more active. Always there are such phases when all wants to throw. Such thoughts arise at me few times in a month… I start thinking of how to come back home and be engaged in something in another. On the other hand, out of a comfort zone – here where the magic happens!
It can definitely get frustrating! But you are right-it is good for us in the long run I suppose!
Not a pink person either! I had pink shoes once and felt embarrassed, haha,
Glad I’m not the only one!
Love the new kicks!
We all have those days. I’ve cried over the most stupid things because sometimes it all builds up and you have to let it out.
One of my good friends, who is #1 in the class and gorgeous and the fastest Junior on the track team was telling me how once in the while she just takes a long shower and cries. I was shocked! She has nothing to worry about, perfect grades, perfect health, perfect body, hard working, happy, but then I realized that we are always comparing ourselves to others and we can’t ever be the best at anything. There will always be people to look up to just as there is always someone who looks up to YOU.
Aurora, you are gorgeous and SO strong and intelligent. I know maybe 2 people who could even get into the school and the program you are in. You should be so proud of all the amazing things you have accomplished in your life. There are so many things to come as well.
I hope you have an awesome weekend, you deserve it. 🙂
You are so incredibly sweet, and this really means a lot to me! You’re right-no one can ever be the best at everything, which means by default that someone will be better and if we compared ourselves to these people, there’s no contest. But we can’t get too caught up in those things!
Congrats on the pull up!! I would take the shoes back, personally. You learned a great lesson, but the pink would probably come back to bite you. Oh and I had to laugh at your lunch. Such a mess of awesomeness! I have so many meals that are the best, but downright ugly. Thanks for sharing!
Sometimes the whole “making food look pretty” thing just doesn’t work out! Haha. It doesn’t change the taste though!
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