More Thoughts on Athlete Identity and Next Week’s Goal

Date: March 15, 2015

Author: astottler

I love reading all your comments on athletic identity! I think that with all I do, I am still an athlete, but I just seem to have a mental block about realizing that. I think part of this recent feeling stems from the fact that I haven’t exactly been pushing hard in my workouts lately-while being sick for a while, I felt like I was just in maintenance and survival mode, but now I’m ready to get after it! This was especially apparent when I did Crossfit Open 15.3-I swear I used to be better at wall balls!

15.3 was 7 muscle ups, 50 wall balls, and 100 double unders, for 14 minutes. Since I am definitely not able to do a muscle up, I did the scaled which was 50 wall balls, and 200 singles for 14 minutes. I initially wanted to try double unders but after trying for a while, it was just taking too long. This one was tough-my arms were dead. Partially probably due to the fact that we did a TON of push ups the day before and so my shoulders were already sore!

Also-I’m feeling more like an athlete after today’s half training run. I’m back to double digits! I started the morning with my typical pre-run breakfast, jazzed up with some frozen blueberries. It’s basically a mess of egg whites, banana, and a few oats. I would normally put cocoa powder in it, but I’m not reacting too well to chocolate as far as I know, and didn’t want to take any chances.

After my foot felt really good all week, it flared up on me again yesterday. I used twice last night, and I still woke up with it sore. I even iced immediately upon waking up. I honestly didn’t have too high hopes for the run, given my foot and the fact that I felt pretty sluggish last week, but ended up surprising myself and having a great run.

My left calf had been a little tight this week, and strangely enough my calves get less tired if I’m running a little faster, so I picked up the pace a bit at the beginning and just got in a groove. I was well under a 10:00 mile for most of the run (minus a hilly mile) and kept up my splits right to the last mile. Ok? I’ll take it!

I think the fact that I was eating less junk this week totally helped! Also-in terms of race day plans, I’m not trying to PR. I just want to enjoy the race. In my last race, I ran all of my training runs at a pace to PR (in the heat and humidity no less), and went out way too fast, and ended up crashing hard at the end as a result, leading to one of my worse times. So no flying and dying for me this time!

Next week is finals week, so I went home after my run for Physics help and a home cooked meal. This is chicken and dumplings from Cooking Light-the dumplings are stops of whole wheat tortilla! The perfect mix of protein, carbs, and salt post-run!

We also had some blueberry pie, because pi day! I don’t have a picture of that, but here are the mini pies I had last night! My sorority sold them to raise money for our philanthropies (and yes, selling pie on pi day was totally my idea…). My friend and I split mixed berry and apricot.

In terms of finals, I have one Monday, one Tuesday, and one Friday. Luckily, I seem to be on track with my studying so far, which is why I actually have time to post this!

So-weekly goals. This past week’s goal was pretty successful-I think I nailed 5.5/7 breakfasts and lunches this week! So moving on to this week’s goal: no nighttime eating. During dead and finals week, there are treats and study snacks at every corner. While I know some people swear by their nighttime snacks, for some reason eating late at night always gives me stomachaches. While I would say I’m 99% fine after being sick, things that would normally give me a stomachache are magnified, and nightly snacks have not been kind to me as of late. So that’s this week’s goal-I’ll keep you all updated on how it goes!

Did you have pie for pi day?

What I Actually Eat in a Day

Date: March 12, 2015

Author: astottler

Categories: Uncategorized

Hey guys! I have been loving all your comments lately! I will respond ASAP! I’m currently knee deep in finals studying-sepcifically physiology and physics. That being said, I gave a presentation on cows yesterday so if you want to know anything about the dairy industry or cows, now would be the time to ask! Now that I think about it…I should definitely do a cow post. I think it’s relevant! And I may be slightly obsessed with ruminants right now. The dreams I’ve had lately have been super crazy…

ANYWAYS. My goal for the week is going really well. Somehow it is mentally easier to plan on thinking about eating well for 2/3 meals of the day-plus eating well earlier sets me up for better choices later in the day! Additionally, the best thing about making good choices for the first 2 meals of the day is that it means that even if I eat a ton of junk later on (which I’m not necessarily saying I am), it still means I’m FEELING better for most of the day, which is important given all the studying!

I realized I rarely post anymore what I actually eat in a day-WIAW tends to be highlights, and when I get behind, I often photo dump. So let’s check it out.

I began my morning with a 5 mile run. Normally I’d love to eat a bite of something beforehand-I was starving!-but I was out of dried fruit and I couldn’t access the sun butter in my fridge because my friend was crashing on my floor and her head was blocking it! Nevertheless, the run felt good and my feet cooperated. The better eating habits seem to be paying off because last week’s runs were a bit sluggish.

I was more than ready for breakfast.

Eggs, a couple of bites of potatoes, apple, and sunflower seed butter. Lately I haven’t been finishing my plate, but I was pretty hungry after the run. I’m really trying to eat slowly in the morning to only take in what I really need, but I always burn more after runs and need more food.

Lunch was another hummus and hard boiled egg salad. I’m really loving these lately-sometimes I feel like my normal chicken+sweet potato+roasted veggie lunches don’t have enough vegetables. This salad has 2 hard boiled eggs, hummus, and lettuce. The lettuce is actually an herb mix, so it’s a little more interesting!

I also had a fruit bar for a little something sweet.

Mid-afternoon I went to a pre-vet event, and had a chocolate chip cookie, which held me over until dinner.

Dinner at the dining hall.

Indian spiced chicken with rice, greens, a bit of a lentil dish that I didn’t really touch-not my favorite combo of flavors, and a bite of veggie lasagna.

For dessert, I had some coconut milk ice cream (this is not normal for the dining hall so I had to take advantage, especially since I’m not really doing dairy right now), plus some molten chocolate cake.

Since chocolate is sort of hit or miss with how my body is going to react right now, after a bit of studying I had some oats+earth balance+maple syrup to buffer it just in case.

Overall, I definitely think it was decent! Maybe a little high in sweets, but I’m not going to worry about that just yet. One goal at a time!

What workout makes you hungriest?

My Life as a Non-Athlete

Date: March 10, 2015

Author: astottler

Categories: Uncategorized

(This is the post I mentioned writing. It’s going to sound like around confused rambling, but given it is dead week and my schedule is going to be insane tonight, I figure I might as well post it.)

Before college, I was an athlete. It was who I was, and ingrained in every part of my being. Being an athlete defined me, and led me to my passion in science. I loved my sport, I loved the team, loved the practicing, loved the workouts, and loved how fit I was.

I spent hours every day on my sport. It really was my life-I even wrote my college essay on softball. I discovered my passion for nutrition though my sport, which led to my passion for biology and physiology.

I played my last summer of softball the summer before I went to college, and trained incredibly hard to prepare myself to walk on to the rowing team when I started college.

For the first half of my freshman year, I was still an athlete.

When I was trying to make the decision whether or not to continue rowing, a huge part of the decision was that it meant giving up my identity as an athlete, an identity that I had had my entire life.

And then suddenly, I wasn’t an athlete anymore.

To be honest, this is still difficult for me to write about, and I’m having trouble finding the words. When I quit rowing, I feel like I lost a large part of myself. I can’t tell you how many dreams I’ve had since then where I’ve somehow found myself back on the rowing team-but in reality this could never happen, and I know I wouldn’t have had the time to row with my intense sophomore year.

But this feeling of no longer being an athlete is still raw, especially when I go back and look at old pictures.

(Valentine’s Day beach workout 2 years ago.)

I feel like being an athlete made me a better student and a more on top of it person. Having such a regimented schedule forces that.

I miss having teammates. I miss my athlete’s body. I miss the feeling after a successful weekend of sport.

I do honestly wish I still had a sport-I think it would be really good for me.

However-I need to get over thinking of myself as a non-athlete. I AM still an athlete-I race, I lift heavy things, it’s just different. I honestly think my passion for fitness and nutrition has waned a bit in the past couple of years that I am no longer an ‘athlete’ in the technical sense of the word.

I don’t exactly know where I want to go with this post-I didn’t realize how much of an identity crisis I still feel when I think about this, but I think losing that “athlete” identity is something a lot of people go through at one point or another. While I have allowed myself to grow a lot as a person and add to my identity (crazy cat lady is one thing added), I can’t help but think something is still missing!

How did you cope with being a “non-athlete”?

One Thing at a Time

Date: March 9, 2015

Author: astottler

Categories: Uncategorized

Thank you guys for your comments on yesterday’s post! I especially loved Elsie‘s-she suggested I try one small change at a time.

I’ve decided to do a small focus each week, and try to have the weeks build on each other.

This week’s focus? Healthy and properly portioned breakfasts and lunches. That may not sound like a “small challenge” but because I often pack my lunch, there is actually less to it than it seems! So far today went well!

Pre-Crossfit: 1 piece of banana bread.

Crossfit was good-I’m not a fan of Daylight Savings Time though. Waking up that early felt especially awful! The strength portion was:

5×65% back squats

5 pull ups

Alternate those two every minute on the minute for 14 minutes.

I actually really enjoyed the WOD today. I brought running shoes, which made the 400m run feel 1000x better!

3 rounds:

20 box jumps (20′)

20 push press (63#)

400m run

I think I finished in just over 16 minutes?

Breakfast was back at the dining hall-eggs+an apple with sunflower seed butter.

Per my healthy portions, I ended up not finishing this because I was too full.

Between classes, I ate my packed lunch of salad with hummus and hard boiled egg. You can’t see the hummus very well in this picture because I put the hummus at the bottom-it’s less messy when it doesn’t get all over the top!

Plus a fruit bar for something sweet.

Since I had lunch pretty early due to my class schedule, I snacked on some edamame crackers from Trader Joe’s later in the afternoon.

So-I think I achieved my goal for the day! Healthy breakfast+lunch.

I also thought it would be fun to take progress pictures in the ridiculous outfit I wore in the picture from yesterday’s post. So if you want to see those pictures, you better hope I make some progress because they look ridiculous. I’m too old for this…

And now I’m off to research cow lactation.

Do you ever set goals for yourself?

Frustration-Nothing has Changed, Everything has Changed

Date: March 8, 2015

Author: astottler

Categories: Uncategorized

It seems every so often I do a nice little heart to heart here on Fitness is Sweet. These are the posts that I hate publishing and find semi-embarassing to look back on but post rashly and later realize they are part of life and evolution and all that.

I actually have a post that seems related now-a directionless post but it’s not very upbeat so it is still sitting in my drafts for another day-can’t have too much of that!

Right now I’m frustrated. Frustrated with myself. Sometimes I miss little freshman me.

(File this picture under things I’ll regret posting.)

It’s interesting to read my old posts. If I was struggling at that time, I can tell. I’m glad I’ve become more secure and confident since then, and ultimately more sane.

On the other hand, I feel like I had better time management then (ok-this was forced by the many hours of rowing…), and I had better study habits. Well, I guess I would say I had fewer other distractions from school and spent less time on the Internet….it really is a black hole. I feel like in some ways I was more put together in aspects of my life-that’s not to say I haven’t matured and changed a lot, things are just…different.

The thing that is currently frustrating me is looking at old pictures and wishing I still looked like that. I’ve gone 2 years without losing the college weight, and then I start to wonder if I never will. It’s frustrating. And I’m tired of overeating or eating junk and feeling crappy.

But then I never seem to get any better about it. I’ll eat healthy and make progress for a while, but like a cycle I revert to the same old habits.

I made some real progress on my Project last year (cutting out processed foods) but that made me so crazy! And it’s interesting to see posts from freshman year where I was definitely eating healthier.

And a big part of me worries that I’m wasting my college years by carrying the extra weight, which honestly is what scares me the most-I want to make the most of my time here!

(I am happy to report that my room is way cleaner than last year at least…)

I guess what I’m saying is I’m frustrated and I don’t know what to do right now. I’m officially in half training mode, so I had plenty of time to think on my 8 mile run. I especially worry that any extra weight just aggravates my foot problems, and my foot wasn’t especially cooperative today.

And eating badly makes me feel bad, physically and mentally. Between stomach issues and eating junk, I’m sick of feeling gross. And I’m sick of the mental fogginess, distraction, and anxiety I get after eating too much junk.

So I guess this post is more of a rant than anything else. I feel like I have about one of these each quarter-over 3 years, some things don’t change, yet I’m somehow a different person.