It seems every so often I do a nice little heart to heart here on Fitness is Sweet. These are the posts that I hate publishing and find semi-embarassing to look back on but post rashly and later realize they are part of life and evolution and all that.
I actually have a post that seems related now-a directionless post but it’s not very upbeat so it is still sitting in my drafts for another day-can’t have too much of that!
Right now I’m frustrated. Frustrated with myself. Sometimes I miss little freshman me.
(File this picture under things I’ll regret posting.)
It’s interesting to read my old posts. If I was struggling at that time, I can tell. I’m glad I’ve become more secure and confident since then, and ultimately more sane.
On the other hand, I feel like I had better time management then (ok-this was forced by the many hours of rowing…), and I had better study habits. Well, I guess I would say I had fewer other distractions from school and spent less time on the Internet….it really is a black hole. I feel like in some ways I was more put together in aspects of my life-that’s not to say I haven’t matured and changed a lot, things are just…different.
The thing that is currently frustrating me is looking at old pictures and wishing I still looked like that. I’ve gone 2 years without losing the college weight, and then I start to wonder if I never will. It’s frustrating. And I’m tired of overeating or eating junk and feeling crappy.
But then I never seem to get any better about it. I’ll eat healthy and make progress for a while, but like a cycle I revert to the same old habits.
I made some real progress on my Project last year (cutting out processed foods) but that made me so crazy! And it’s interesting to see posts from freshman year where I was definitely eating healthier.
And a big part of me worries that I’m wasting my college years by carrying the extra weight, which honestly is what scares me the most-I want to make the most of my time here!
(I am happy to report that my room is way cleaner than last year at least…)
I guess what I’m saying is I’m frustrated and I don’t know what to do right now. I’m officially in half training mode, so I had plenty of time to think on my 8 mile run. I especially worry that any extra weight just aggravates my foot problems, and my foot wasn’t especially cooperative today.
And eating badly makes me feel bad, physically and mentally. Between stomach issues and eating junk, I’m sick of feeling gross. And I’m sick of the mental fogginess, distraction, and anxiety I get after eating too much junk.
So I guess this post is more of a rant than anything else. I feel like I have about one of these each quarter-over 3 years, some things don’t change, yet I’m somehow a different person.