Yesterday, when I was finding a link for the post, I found myself reading some posts from this time last year.
It was an interesting experience. And it’s amazing how much I’ve changed since then-in terms of who am I am, why I do, my writing style, and what I talk about. (Here’s a random post from a year ago.)
Year-Ago-Aurora? You’re freaking crazy. Calm down! I guess that’s part of being a freshman, and the freedom I felt last spring with very few obligations after rowing ended. The first few weeks of spring quarter last year were insane. I had just been stuck at home for months with mono, and all of the sudden I had a ton of free time and catching up with friends to do. I got into some bizarre and unhealthy habits-like not sleeping and eating insane amounts of yogurt. I mean, I love yogurt still-and the old pictures made me crave some of those awesome yogurt bowls-but I was definitely not in the healthiest place. My hormones were all crazy from being sick, and the late nights led to this crazy night time snacking problem-I mean, the snacks were mostly yogurt bowls, but en masse. I think I gained the Freshman 15 in like 3 weeks? From yogurt alone?
What really makes me cringe is all the “food revelations.” No Aurora, you do not have a grain sensitivity. You feel like awful because you’re eating junk and not sleeping…I mean, a lot of those posts are so embarrassing to look back on. But I’ve definitely come so far as a person-in healthy habits, in ways of thinking, in the things I chose to publish on the great Internet.
I also don’t know how I had so much freaking time then! Now I feel like I’m always busy! I guess there was the whole ‘not sleeping’ thing that added several hours to the day…and the fact that classes are so much more work sophomore year!
I also made a lot of broad proclamations, which I’m not really comfortable doing anymore. Like “I won’t eat grains anymore,” or “I’m going Paleo.” Now, I guess I feel silly saying those things. Because I think I got to the point where it was something different each day. I think I was desperately looking for a solution to my out of control eating habits. (Past-Aurora: sleep probably would have helped.)
I feel so much more secure in myself now. I’m not a freshman-I don’t have to worry about having friends and what people think of me in the same way. I have amazing friends-and maybe because I surround myself with the right people, I don’t really have to worry what anyone thinks of me. (Or is this just laziness? TBD…) I have zero problems sitting in my room by myself on a Friday night watching Netflix. Not that I spend my life with Netflix, but I don’t feel like I need to try to be social when all I want to do is relax and sleep. I remember fall of my freshman year, I went to bed pretty early (comparatively to the rest of the freshman in my dorm), and I would always hear people talking and partying, and I was stressed that I was missing out on meeting people. Now, I know that I don’t have to worry about that. I guess this is what maturity does to you, huh?
What’s crazy to me is that I felt so grown up at the time, and while I was writing those posts. And like I said, I look back on them and cringe. Calm down Aurora! You’re crazy!
Do you ever go back and read your old posts? What do you think?