When we left off, I was leaving for a summer in DC. DC was wonderful. We all know how I fell in love with the city. I also fell in love with the fitness community. I joined a running group, found a great Crossfit box, had a blast with November Project, and trained for another half marathon. (I’m currently having major DC nostalgia so finding pictures from this is bringing it all back!)

I cooked for myself, and was able to make healthier meals. Between that and running, I dropped about 10 lbs.

I returned from DC sad to go, but feeling happy and fitter.

So if you’re keeping track, we’re probably +15ish from entering college, but pretty fit.

That fall, I felt like I was finally finding balance. It was easier for me to stay sane and eat healthy foods, but I still had the desire to go try and get back to “the project” and cut out sugar/processed foods. When I did that, I felt great, but at the same time, I felt like I was always on the edge of failing and going back to eating lots of junk food. 

During the holidays, I gained a few pounds, like one does. It didn’t completely tear me up, but I felt like I was slowing down in my workouts. I just assumed the higher weight was where I would always be. 

At the same time, I still didn’t feel like myself.

Come January, I briefly started to get healthier. I was busy with classes I enjoyed, and had a decent social life along with that, so food was less of a focus and it got easier to eat healthier. At the same time, I also got really sick. This was the start of a long journey with what I now know to be gastroparesis, but also probably some type of ulcer type of deal. I felt dizzy and nauseated a lot of the time. I didn’t understand it, and felt helpless because I felt like it was linked to what I was eating but I didn’t know how to control it.

Between eating healthier before being sick and being sick, I lost the weight I had gained over the holidays and despite feeling sick all the time, I did feel better with my body.

About halfway through spring quarter, s*** sort of hit the fan. My body was going crazy with the illness, I had such a feeling of helplessness, and I had some additional life stressors. Suddenly, my eating was out of control. I would eat rice cake after rice cake; I couldn’t stop from overeating at the dining hall; I ate large amounts of homemade granola bars (oats+earth balance+maple syrup or brown rice syrup. It’s actually crazy delicious, FYI).

I managed to gain 10 lbs in 4 weeks, putting gem at my all time heaviest.

(But how adorable is baby Chloe???)

(Note that this is entirely an excuse for baby Chloe.)

I was so desperate, I even met with a nutritionist for some guidance. I actually didn’t stick with her advice for more than a few weeks, but in retrospect her advice was probably the worst thing for my then-undiagnosed stomach condition, which she couldn’t have known.

The summer was a bit of a grind with my job. I loved it, but it was a difficult adjustment getting used to working irregular hours and long days. I gained a few more pounds, putting me at my highest weight ever, and well into an overweight BMI. 

Over the course of 3 years, I was now 30 pounds heavier than when I entered college. That summer, my eating wasn’t as crazy out of control as the last month of spring, but I was probably chronically overeating, enough to put on a few pounds.

Right before IDEAWorld in July, things started to shift. I started eating a little healthier, and had a blast at IDEA. Plus 3 workouts a day didn’t hurt! I felt like myself again at that conference. The exercise, the passion for fitness. By the end of the summer, I had lost about 5 of those pounds.

And we’ll leave off there. Next week, the big changes will come, starting with a trip to Hawaii, and taking us through to today.

Preworkout

Then

Half a protein bar and some dates

Now

Pumpkin banana bread. Nearing the end of my freezer stash! Plus a couple of tortilla chips.

Breakfast

Then

A cappuccino (sleep deprivation was real), a chocolate Kashi soft baked granola bar, and lots of dried mango.

Now

Fage whole milk Greek yogurt with a little bit of raspberry KIND granola, and a mango. And a tortilla chip.

Lunch

Then

Tupperware salad with goat cheese, hard boiled egg, and hummus. (Still love this combo.)

Now

Pasta with puttnesca sauce, artichoke salad, greens, marinated eggplant, and muscles. I accidentally got too much past so I split it up and stuck with the bottom pile. Plus fruit.

Afternoon Snack

Then

Pumpkin Bread from a cafe on campus.

Now

Eggplant, fruit, kettle corn rice cake with whipped strawberry cream cheese. Plus a piece of dried mango and a chocolate.

Dinner

Then

Peach, chicken, an goat cheese salad.

Now

Watermelon salad, crab cake, gluten free cornbread with butter and honey, and roasted sweet potatoes.

Post-Dinner

Then

Some of these homemade granola bar concoctions. “2 T sunflower seed butter and 2 T brown rice syrup, 1/2 c applesauce., vanilla extract and cinnamon, 2 packets of instant oatmeal (or 1.5 c oats), 2 T chia seeds, handful coconut flakes, 1 egg, chopped date and mango.”

Now

A piece of dried mango, and another crab cake.

Not going to lie…the eats of two-year-ago-Aurora looks pretty delicious!

My favorite question: best thing you ate this week?

And so starts my journey into sophomore year. I spent the summer prior finding balance again after a crazy freshman year. I honestly needed that summer to reset. I found my fitness again too: I ran my first half marathon, and started Crossfit! I felt far more sane.

That fall I felt in a better place. I was +15 from freshman year, but I felt more comfortable in my skin and was far fitter than the end of freshman year. That fall, I ate ALL THE PUMPKIN. It’s actually ridiculous.

I actually didn’t eat much in the dining hall then either, because we had norovirus strike, and I wanted no part of that.

At the same time, I was crazy stressed with school. That was by fall the hardest and most demoralizing time of my life, and I was drowning. I took far too hard a quarter, and definitely doubted whether I should even be here. Food was not the first thing on my mind. I actually remember being so stressed I had to force feed myself raisins because I knew I needed SOMETHING.

Despite the academic stress, I did feel more secure in who I was than freshman year, and who my friends were. This helped immensely.

During this time, I was still wrestling with good/bad foods. I wanted to try to restrict sugar, but that often made me crazy, going between no sugar/lots of sugar. In general, sugar does affect how I feel physically a lot. 

(This pumpkin bread was amazing and I ate the whole loaf post-half marathon when the runger was real. No regrets about that. Necessary.)

Summary: fall, I was eating better and feeling better.

After the holidays, like anyone, I was feeling a little heavier and gross. I felt my eating habits were slipping.

And then I embarked on a healthy living journey that turned out to be the worst possible thing I could do for my health.

The Project.

In theory, it seemed like a fantastic plan for my health. I embarked on 4 weeks of no processed food, including processed sugars (dates were allowed, but that was it). I am still a big proponent of a whole foods, low sugar diet. And the time I was on the project did transform my health. My physical health, that is. I did honestly feel great. But at the same time, it made me an anxious mess.

I was in a constant state of restriction. I started to get really bad anxiety, like nothing I have felt in my life. After the first week, I cheated and had some dessert (not a crazy amount, mind you). That evening into the next morning, I was insanely anxious, so much so that I had to call in sick to leading quidditch conditioning because I needed a run to burn off some of the energy, and that was the only thing that made me feel better.

Found my love for roasted carrots. <3

Finally, 3 weeks into the challenge I couldn’t do it anymore, and when a delicious ice cream sandwich was presented to me, I gave up.

And then the next months became a sugar bender. That extreme restriction had made me a mess (theme of sophomore year, I suppose), and feeling gross while watching my body transform made it even worse. In a few short months, I was almost +15 from the end of The Project.

Once again, I lost my control and my balance. When I arrived in DC that summer, I was +25 from pre-college.

One key thing I want to talk about here is what went wrong, and what’s different now. Then, when I was feeling a little unhealthy, I would immediately try to slash food and sweets, and it usually backfired. Even if I was “doing well,” I still felt like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the cycle to start over again.

Now, things are different. The last time I was feeling a little gross, a little puffy, I made the conscious decision not to revert to old habits and cut things out. Instead, I decided to focus on adding things in: making an intentional effort to eat more fruits and veggies. And that approach made all the difference. Sometimes I hear people talk about cutting out sugar for x period of time, and honestly, I can’t listen to it anymore. I have to walk away. That was so much my tendency for so long, and it would be so easy to slip into these habits. But where I am now, I’m happy and healthy without doing that. I want to keep doing what I’m doing, and not let other influence this lifestyle I’ve built for myself. I know if I let myself get back into that cycle, it would be all bad again.

Also, I know with this series I’m being sort of vague about what’s changed, but that will be at the end of the series! I promise it’s nothing drastic though. Mainly a shift in mindset!

Since my little #TransformationTuesday series is the day before WIAW, I thought I’d include a little themed WIAW action alongside that. This week, we’re going to look at Spring of Freshman year vs. now. (Original here.)

Preworkout:

Then

Power Snacks mentioned later.

Now:

GF pumpkin banana bread from the freezer, plus 2 tortilla chips while it heated up.

Breakfast:

Then:

Dining hall biscuit, pear+hard boiled egg, gummy vitamins ( still take these, don’t take stylized pictures!) and midmorning cappuccino.

Now:

Breakfast on the go before squirrel watching (for a research project). Aesthetic level=0. 2% plain fage greek yogurt, Trader Joe’s reduced sugar blueberry jam (SO good), and sunbutter.

Lunch:

Then:

Salad with added hard boiled egg.

Now:

Make your own sandwich: I made half with egg salad and half with smoked salmon and herbed dill cream cheese. Roasted butternut squash and purple potatoes on the side, plus fruit salad. Went back for more fruit and squash! Sidenote: I LOVE fruit salad that includes bananas!

Afternoon snack:

Then:

Now:

More leftover roasted squash and fruit salad, and a piece of dried mango.

Dinner:

Then:

Garden burger over salad, roasted sweet potatoes, roasted carrots, and cabbage.

A roll with jelly, butter, and peanut butter. Dessert of vanilla soft serve with pineapple and granola.

Now:

Out to dinner with the family for my mom’s birthday. Goat cheese and beat salad with mint vinaigrette (love that idea!) with grilled chicken. + a few of my mom’s amazing fries. I took about half the lettuce and some of the beets home for lunch tomorrow!

+ a scoop of peppermint fudge ripple ice cream.

Post-Dinner Snack:

Then:

Snack 1 is a bar, snack 2 was dark chocolate, pumpkin seeds, and the creation on the right up there. Dorm room cooking at its finest: sunflower seed milk, unsweetened coconut, and a mashed up ripe banana. Served with a square of dark chocolate, and sunbutter.

Now:

A few bites of these roasted sweet potatoes (that picture is the whole container. I did not eat the whole container). And GF chocolate chip cookie because you don’t pass that up.

It’s really funny to look back on this. I think every single meal included an item I can no longer eat (gluten/nuts/coconut). Funny how that works! I think looking back that was actually one of my healthier days of that time period as well.

And lastly: photos from dinner! Since you don’t pass up an opportunity for photos when you look presentable.

Favorite ice cream flavor. GO.

I like things with fudge swirls. Love Baskin Robbins Gold Medal Ribbon (caramel swirl, chocolate and vanilla ice cream), but Tin Pot’s TCHO chocolate cannot be beat.