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Coming Full Circle

This weekend is bittersweet for me. It’s Homecoming weekend, which means campus is flooded with alums. But this year is different for me. In a year, I’ll be one of them.

For many years, I’ve had my list of top fears well-defined.

  1. Puke
  2. Drowning
  3. Scorpions
  4. Hair

My roommate even knows the pitch of my squeal when I see a ball of hair on the floor. Those were my fears. Now, I’m coming to terms with a new fear-the passage of time. I fear the passage of time-or more specifically, wasted time. Seeing alums wheeling into their 50th reunion makes age more solidified for me-that’s me one day. Many of these alums seem so happy-they show up carting around children and spouses, pointing out their old stomping stomping grounds. Will I have that one day? Right now the future is just an empty space for me-I have plans but I have no idea what my life will really be like. Will I be happy? I feel so happy here right now. I feel like Stanford is truly the best place to be. What will the future hold?

More than the passage of time, I fear the loss of friends. Of stories and memories fading away as the clock ticks onwards. We relive the past through our stories. We relive happiness, excitement, fear. I love telling stories, and I love recalling memories. Stories are a snapshot of a particular time; they are our time capsules to the past, and they keep us connected to who we are and who we were. Even more than telling stories, I love making stories. Having adventures that I can talk and laugh about years from now. Sometimes I worry that I’m too caught up in the past, but in reality, this is my way of staying connected and grounded as things change. In one year, my life is going to be completely different than it’s ever been. Saying goodbye before college was hard, but I think saying goodbye after college is worse. It’s not that I’m not excited for what the future has in store, but in high school, I feel like I was constantly biding my time for high school. Now, I’m realizing I can’t keep just trying to push through until I’ve accomplished my career goals to live. Time passes. If I fast forward my life to post-grad school, then all I do is lose years. I have to live NOW because there’s always going to be a next thing to look toward, and I can’t keep waiting until the next thing because before I know it I’ll be rolling up to my 50th reunion and wondering where the years have gone.

I’m doing my best to enjoy my last year here to the utmost degree. At the same time, I feel like everything is coming full circle. Things, people, and feelings from freshman year keep popping up. As a freshman, I never once thought the whole college thing would end. I was just getting started! 4 years was forever. Yet here I am.

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(Santa Run 2012-what a baby! I wish I had taken more pictures then…)

Looking back on it, I could not have asked for more out of my freshman year. At the time it was difficult-sleep deprivation, intense academics, D1 college sport, making new friends, mono. I came in with such an eagerness to be there that I feel like faded as I got beaten down. But out of freshman year, I got countless memories and lifelong friends. As I said, it was hard at the time but looking back, it was exactly what I needed.

Sophomore year was very rough. I learned the hard way what it meant to be doing a difficult major at one of the top science schools in the country. I did not like it here then. I was drowning. I seriously contemplated whether I should transfer. I was lost-I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t know if I was in the right place. But as I’ve always said, the best part about Stanford is the people, and my friends carried me through.

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Despite the difficult academics, I did make some awesome memories that I will carry with me. I also felt more grounded than freshman year. I had a solid group of friends so I didn’t have the constant pressure of trying to make friends that comes with freshman year.

Junior year was good-a solid year but somewhat lonely as a lot of people I knew went abroad. I spent more time alone, but I think I found myself a little more, especially with figuring out my life. Far fewer quarter-life crises.

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Halloween 2014 was possibly one of the best days of my life.

And now. Senior year. I feel like there’s so much left to do, and I have the eagerness of a freshman. I can’t wait to make more memories with these amazing people.

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WIAW-Senior Food

Hello! Happy Wednesday-halfway through the week! Woohoo! Today, I’m linking up for WIAW again!

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I tried really really hard to take pictures today!

My morning began with a track workout. Not ideal after my long run yesterday, but I needed to time a 400m sprint for a class project by Wednesday so I trudged out there. Prior to the run, I had some crackers and a few pieces of dried mango.

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I ran a total of 3 miles per my training plan, including my timed 400m.

Post-run was my typical breakfast-not the most interesting but gets the job done. Plain greek yogurt, banana, and sun butter.

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After breakfast, I headed out for my fake first class. I dropped my 9am, but I’m trying to fill that time with other work so I scheduled myself to be at a coffeeshop for the first hour of my day. A latte (decaf) beats biochem right now!

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After my morning classes, I headed back to the house for lunch. Today was pho-I wasn’t sure if the noodles were gluten free so I stuck to chicken and veggie toppings. Yum!

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After lunch I was craving something a little sweet and carby, so I had a couple of dates and a pumpkin muffin from the freezer.

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These are green because I used sunflower seed butter in place of almond in the recipe, and there is a chemical reaction between sunflower seeds and baking soda!

After an afternoon of classes, I pulled some zucchini bread out of the freezer-I totally owe you guys that recipe!

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Crossfit today was good-I can now do a burpee with no shoulder problems, which I couldn’t really last week so this is progress! We did 5 rounds of 3 hang power cleans, 5 burpees, and a sled push at max effort, and then took a full recover, repeating for a total of 5 rounds. It’s crazy-I’ve been away from my school Crossfit for 3 months and I feel like everything is different-the people, the equipment-so weird!

Dinner was a salad from Trader Joe’s-rainbow slaw. It was a little plain for my liking-needed some meat! I grabbed a few pieces of chicken from the dinner at the house as they were closing up, plus some mashed potatoes and chocolate mousse.

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After dinner, I had some caramel cheddar corn and a gluten free brownie.

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After being sick for so long with no desire for anything sweet, I think my sweet tooth is coming back with vengeance! It’s a little frustrating because I feel like after every flare up, I have to relearn how to eat. Hopefully no more stomach flare ups though!

What is your favorite pumpkin product?

I think mine is pumpkin bread but I’m craving a pumpkin chocolate chip bar right about now!

Art Party + Wedding Dress Shopping

Hello! Happy Fall! I’m loving the subtle changes in weather and cooler temperatures thus far this fall! I’m currently doing laundry-I have to run 9 miles this morning per my half marathon training plan but I have kitchen clean up in a little bit and despite waking up early to do it, I was running a few minutes late so I didn’t try to fit it in-later today!

School is finally kicking into gear. I already feel so behind, but I’m also enjoying my time here. Sometimes when a phrase from your assigned reading sparks a meaningful 2 hour conversation with your roommate, you just have to roll with it. And sometimes you have to cram in all the experiences unique to your school in your last year. Let’s back up to Thursday.

I went to Crossfit for the first time in weeks! I did a combo of hang cleans and rowing-I skipped the overhead presses. It’s frustrating that my shoulder is still limiting, but I really have to compare how it is week to week and be patient. I could do the press overhead, but brining the bar back down hurt.

After a full day of classes on Thursday and a much needed nap, I tackled a half marathon training run-5 miles on the hills! It felt like perfect fall weather. Maybe I can get behind evening running after all? The timing would work out better, but I love how I feel after a morning run as well! Anyways, since my stomach has been better, my sweet tooth has come back. On the way back, I was thinking about how awesome gluten free brownies would be-specifically a kind with white chocolate chips. I returned at dinner time, and guess what our chef made for dinner? I couldn’t believe it! SO good!

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Really though, the entire meal was awesome. Wild rice, salmon, herbed chicken.

After dinner, I hurried to get ready for a truly unique Stanford experience-a party at the art museum on campus. To get in the spirit, my house had a fun get together beforehand that included throwing water balloons filled with paint at canvas to make some art of our own! Sadly the balloon that I threw went through the fence!

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We made the trek all the way across campus to the art museum, but it was a nice night! At the event itself, there was food and student group performances, plus access to the museum.

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It was a fun time, especially spent with friends.

Big event #2 for the week was Saturday! I started out with a fun spin class, and then headed up to SF as part of my sister’s wedding entourage for her first stab at dress shopping. AHHH.

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We arrived to the city in time for lunch at a French restaurant and start with mimosas to celebrate the bride-to-be!

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I had delicious roasted chicken with roasted potatoes.

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We had some extra time before her appointment, so we stopped into a coffee shop nearby for cappuccinos-Wrecking Ball Roasters. Why is coffee in SF so amazing??

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Wedding dress shopping was so surreal. How are we this adult?

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She looked beautiful in the dresses and may or may not have found “the one.”

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(It should be noted that this is not it.)

The dress she loved could only be held for a few days, so we made a last minute appointment nearby to get a feel for some other looks.

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AHH so exciting! TBD on what the dress will be though! What’s important is she got a better sense for what she’s looking for, and now everything seems more real!

While we were driving home, my dad made me some pumpkin chocolate chip muffins from this recipe.

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They came out delicious, in a healthy tasting way. But I ran that in a good way! I used sunflower seed butter in place of almond butter, so when I arrived back on campus, this happened:

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Gotta love chemistry, my friends.

What pumpkin products have you made/eaten so far??

College House Eating

Hello! I’m happy to report that I’m feeling much better than last time I checked in-fingers crossed I don’t have more flares. I just finished my first week of senior year, and am figuring out my new schedule for the quarter.

I’ve been continuing half marathon training, teaching lots of spin (back to back classes on Wednesday night-oof), and soaking up time spent with good friends!

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This year, I’m living in a house with about 40 girls-it’s not a sorority house but I suppose it’s a similar idea? We have a chef who cooks lunch and dinner for us 5 days a week, and an open kitchen to fend for ourselves for breakfast and weekends. I wanted to share some of the things I’ve been eating this week!

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My first Sunday night scavenging dinner-the fridge is cleaned out Sunday morning so Sunday night can be difficult!

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Lunch-salad with chicken, fruit salad, and AMAZING avocado salad. Do you see how much avocado there is there??

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Tupperware lunch-I packed up a few salads before leaving home last weekend, so I had a few of my typical peach/date/goat cheese/chicken salads throughout the week!

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Because I taught back to back spin classes (unexpectedly) I missed dinner so had to scrounge around again. Deli turkey may become a big part of my life, for better or for worse…

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Salad with a homemade veggie slider, homemade potato chips, and amazing fruit salad with banana, mango, peach, papaya, and more.

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Mexican dinner-super good. I made a salad with Mexican spiced chicken, black beans, and guacamole, plus rice and a rice crispy treat!

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Breakfast post 3 mile run of Siggi’s vanilla, banana, and sun butter.

This past week has been a little interesting on the eating front. Because I was so sick earlier, I haven’t been getting sufficient calories, especially to fuel my activities. I’ve been trying to add extra calories here and there (dried mango anyone?) and after hitting 2000 calories on Thursday I seriously felt like a new woman. Today, I’m trying to eat as much as my stomach allows to fuel up for tomorrow’s 12 mile run-we’ll see how that goes!

What is your favorite way to eat avocado?

Things Change

Hello! I am officially done with work for the summer! I will still be working the same place about once a week once school starts in a couple of weeks, but I’m taking some time to catch up (plus go to Hawaii with my family!)

I still have a 6 mile run to do today. I really should have done it early this morning but I’ve been moping around all morning.

I’m excited to go back to school, but I’m also not ready for this to be my last year. I don’t do well with endings or goodbyes, and I’m already worrying about how to stay in touch with everyone, especially if I move away right away.

Mid-mornign today I had a pumpkin mug cake to drown my sorrows (because I firmly believe it is never too soon).

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I just threw some things together in a bowl, and it turned out great! Egg, butter, pumpkin, spices, maple syrup, vanilla, and some gluten free flour.

Also-this is about my life right now. To keep the puppy busy, we dumped out every toy she owns. Having a puppy is hard!

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It looks like we have just about every holiday represented up there, including Earth Day!

Since I’m feeling sort of nostalgic and not ready for things to change, I thought I’d share some snapshots of college memories through the years.

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21st birthday party with all of my friends! Such a great day.

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Visiting my best friend in Berkeley for her birthday.

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Dorm trip to Disneyland.

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Random nights hanging out with my roommate and doing ridiculous things for no reason at all. #fashionicon

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Visiting my friend in Berkeley during our rival football game, decked out in Stanford gear.

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Halloween party+the popcorn ball making fiasco beforehand.

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Practicing a spin class on my friends before my first audition, and then heading to froyo plus the the pumpkin patch afterwards.

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Color run!

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Bay to Breakers.

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Tortilla chip sombrero for my birthday, a la Despicable Me.

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Rock n Roll SF Half Marathon.

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Embarking on “The Project” with my roomie, our big healthy eating overhaul.

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Tea party with the ladies of my hall.

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Yoga by the bay with a high school yoga buddy.

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Keeping my plant baby alive and well.

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Becoming obsessed with my roommate’s persimmons.

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Enjoying the perks of being in a sorority sophomore fall.

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First half marathon!

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Joining a sorority freshman year.

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Throwing a guac party freshman year.

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Celebrating Valentine’s Day with the crew team at the beach.

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Ski trip with my freshman dorm.

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Early morning wakeups+freezer breakfasts for rowing.

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Watching Stanford win the Rose Bowl.

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Rowing training camp at the Olympic Training facilities in San Diego.

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Meeting our friendly campus cat, who sadly passed away my sophomore year.

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Just a typical morning freshman year.

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Following the Giant’s World Series run on my phone between classes freshman year.

A lot has happened, and I can’t wait to make more memories!